Friday, March 18, 2011

Oh Girl

Oh girl walking her razor scooter up the sidewalk. You're wearing zebra print pajama pants and a red hoodie. I'd say you got out of bed, but this isn't the first time I've seen you. Everyday you're on the bus wearing some pair of pajama pants with your hair up, like your protesting letting it down.

Oh girl that never really woke up, I guess you can't make it up the hill so you're waiting at the bus stop. I'm sorry I thought it was funny you had a razor scooter. I had one when I was in about 2nd grade and that was a pretty big deal. I'm pretty sure it was one of those gifts that after I got it my sister just had to have (and eventually did).

Oh girl that can't really seem to accomplish much, do you remember that time we talked? Yeah, I mean, I think that was you, wasn't it? It was early in my first semester, when I was dragged my computer bag everywhere, the one with all the buttons. One of the buttons from Spamalot. The button reads "I'm not dead yet." We had just hopped off the bus and you came up behind me and said something like "Hello we have something in common, we both have the Spamlot button."                                               I said something like "Oh really, yeah it's a great show." You went on to talk about how funny it was and how impressive the adaption came through. I agreed. I suppose I didn't have much to say. For me Broadway is something I feel more like talking about when I'm around people who know what I'm talking at, when I'm not somewhere so removed from it. It kind of feels like the shows that my family and I have seen, maybe we weren't allowed, we just snuck into the city for a couple trips. I guess most likely i didn't realize this at the time. This moment we had wasn't anything special. It was pretty awkward conversation, mostly because I didn't really have anything to say. You kept walking forward, no abandonment, you just realized the moment was passed. You might be my closest NKU friend.

oh girl. Like I said, I'm not positive it was you, you were wearing sunglasses. Maybe it's somebody else and I just can't remember at all. It's whatever.
I can't say I've really know you. You don't have a name because I've never heard it. You don't go to any classes because I've never had one with you. All I really can say with confidence is you don't seem to make much of an effort in life. No, I could be wrong, but from what I've gathered you're just like a lot of the kids that go here. You make yourself stand out all the way down the road until it gets too far or the hill gets too high and you wait for the bus stop. Don't loose any sleep over this, really don't. I probably don't even exist to you, right?

Oh girl walking her razor scooter up the sidewalk. You're wearing zebra print pajama pants and a red hoodie.

Oh girl that never really woke up, I guess you can't make it up the hill so you're waiting at the bus stop.

Oh girl doesn't know that someone sees her giving up and getting on the bus. Oh girl that shakes it off and stands at the stop unmoved. Oh girl  that moves forward off the sidewalk and tugs her scooter so it doesn't get in my way as I walk past. Thanks for clearing the courtesy, I'm a gunna walk the rest of the way for ya.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Love Leave

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The films are personal. They going to be personal or a little while. When the personal settles down then maybe the films will get a little more public. Until then, keep watching the skies.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Asheville, North Carolina

December 31st 2004

Beth was working in Garageband and making a song. We made a movie called Super teen about Superman as a teenager. I was Superman, she was my mom. I don't remember much. I remember the white DVD that I wrote the date on. My Uncle always wrote the dates on things so I suppose that's why I did it. We drove to Illinois. A month and a year ago you died. You weren't the first person I knew to go, but certainly the closest. Three years from December 31st 2004 everyone would go to bed, I would try to come up with some pseudo new years resolution. I scribbled something on paper about talking to a girl I liked or ridding myself of a bad habit. I took it and lit it on fire on the window sill of my room. Unsurprisingly the smoke detector went off. I slapped myself in the head trying to blow the smoke away, turning the fan on etc. Mom and Dad crept out and walked into my room. Dad led. He was furious, he knew what was up. Ella and Leslie crept up in the background. Mom was beside the situation, going with the lead, she was thinking, I think. The night settled embarrassed and the break with arift. I awoke to my Mother's voice blurted out to surprise me, scare me.
“I want you to know how it feels to be woken up like that. It's scary.” These words aren't exact.
Your Dad and my Mom were going to your ex-boyfriend's apartment to pickup your stuff for you.
My mom was livid, she set the situation out.
“I'm going to go help him get his screwup of a child move out today.”
“I'm trying to teach you so that you don't end up like her.”
“But I'm not like her.”
“I'm doing this for your benefit, you should appreciate me doing this.”
I thought you had become irresponsible too though, by that time you weren't going to college.
We didn't talk, you were on your own and didn't come visit with your Dad as much. I remember my Mom telling me your dad had gone to visit you and your crappy boyfriend, almost like they were making amends, despite no huge falling out. Time rather than a fight. Mom showed us the picture. You looked like a small boy. I guess I'm trying to convey that if you were still alive, we probably still wouldn't be that close. You might still live in Evansville, maybe married. You might be considering adoption or considering pregnancy saving up with a good man to keep you on your toes to actually save this time.
I guess we weren't close in the end. We were kids together and you were an older sister, I think a lot of us can say that without offense to your real sister. We all loved you the same way, for the same reasons. I was writing this before I was tying this and something was in the air. I sneezed so hard it all came out and I was balling my eyes out like the day after you died.
That happens you know, I feel like when I scratch the surface again and again it just floods, but each time I have to add another memory, and there are only so many. I miss you and it burns each time I really look at your face like I did on November 22nd, but then I think of December 31st 3004 and then I think of December 31st 2010 and I'm a good man Kim.